i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
