You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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