you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
