yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
