We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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