It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
