I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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