I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
