Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize