I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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