So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
