I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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