All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize