she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
