he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
