I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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