the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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