im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
