She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
