there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
