OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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