So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
