I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
