my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
