Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
