Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
