I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
