Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
