; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The uberlube is also flammable
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
