I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
