that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
