They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
