Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
