You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
