oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
