pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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