You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
