don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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