I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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