her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
