THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
