did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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