I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You dont lie about slip and slides
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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