Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize