A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
