dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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