Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
