I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
