dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
