As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
