I am puke
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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