i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
