I met the friendliest cop last night
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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