We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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