I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
