My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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