Betty ford says i'm here all night
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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