whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
