she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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