Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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