Ambien. No doubt about it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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