I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
