He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
