I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I won't apologize to a one balled man
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
