My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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