her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
