It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
