I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
