the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize