At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
