Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
