he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
