margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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