just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
