just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
