i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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