addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
