I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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