You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
