I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
