She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
