Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
