sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
