He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How does one acquire holy water?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
