Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
