Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
