i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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