i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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