I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
