Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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