You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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