Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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