So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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