when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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