Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
