I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
